Sometimes just breathing is enough.
So lately, I've been contemplating my life in general, and specifically my marriage. It should come as little surprise to anyone who knows me that my marriage is 3rd rate at best, cloudy with a chance of sun...generally comparable to that first end-of-summer day when you feel the chill of fall in the air. And yeah, while I do enjoy fall, I'm NEVER ready for summer to end, and I find the transition extremely depressing.
Dan has it in him to be a good person. He can be very sweet and loving. Unfortunately, this segment of him is eclipsed for me by the cruel, heartless bastard he can also be. Sometimes, even when he's being nice (or if not nice, at least neutral) it's extremely difficult for me not to think back to his not-nice moments and resent the hell out of him. There are times (fewer and further between these days) when I am still enraptured by him, but for the most part I find myself silently seething in his general direction. Any offhanded comment he makes can cause me to go into full-on hate mode. When I'm hating him in my head and he hasn't done anything concretely wrong at that moment, I say he's irking me because "he's breathing my air." And sometimes just breathing is enough.
I don't see divorce looming in the immediate future, but there is a part of me that wonders how much more of my life I should be wasting here.
And in breaking news, the cat just deposited half of a mouse at my feet. Good kitty. Gag.